Delirium
by SiriusMarauderFan
Summary: Alone at Grimmauld Place, Sirius finds comfort in alcohol and becomes trapped in his memories. One shot.


**Author's Note:** Written for the HPFC's "Clue/Cluedo Game Challenge" (suggestion in bottom notes) and the "Open Category Competition 2" category Angst.

**Delirium**

It was clear to anyone who saw him that night the Sirius Black was drunk. Sadly, there wasn't much else to do in 12 Grimmauld Place for an old marauder on house arrest.

The portraits muttered and hissed when he walked by.

The house elf cursed his name at every encounter.

His bedroom smelled of hippogriffs and his mother's old perfume.

Every creak of the floorboards or slamming of a door reminded him of bad childhood memories. He couldn't escape them. They came flooding back at every turned corner, unwanted and repressed for too long.

He'd spent twelve years in Azkaban but he could handle one in his childhood home. Even he thought it was laughable, but he could even bring himself to laugh anymore.

He could fake it when Harry was around. The shining light in an otherwise dark, empty, _meaningless_ existence. He could keep it together and be sane and sober for a few weeks, but the madness would come creeping back in and he'd start drinking again.

He'd go for days without talking to anyone, with only Buckbeak for company, slipping in and out of consciousness.

One minute he was a child, laughing and playing. He had a brother and family, and he was happy. They loved him; the expected so much out of him.

He was eighteen, riding through the countryside on his motorbike. With the flick of his wrist he was flying above it all, uncaring of who saw. If he flew long enough, he could escape all his responsibilities.

But he'd come crashing down and someone would be standing over him with a tray of food – sometimes Molly or Tonks, most often Moony – and they'd stay long enough to make sure he ate something. Moony would stay longer, talk to him, try to sober him up. But they always left. They had responsibilities, and he'd outrun all of his.

It was nighttime, he was alone. Everyone was gone. There was always someone around, cleaning or cooking or doing something so_ important_, but there was no one. So he drank, and he became young again.

He was at Hogwarts, Prongs by his side. They were running through the forest … sneaking through hidden passages … passing notes in class. These were his favorite delusions.

There was a noise downstairs. He stumbled down to see who it was. Moony was making a joke behind him – something about Prongs cooking for them. Sirius laughed. But Prongs was at his side, daring him to race. He shifted into dog for and ran the rest of the way to the kitchen. Fast, but never fast enough to keep up with the stag.

Snape was in the kitchen, searching through the cabinets for something.

"Run along, mutt," he sneered at the dog when he came bounding into the room.

Sirius shifted again, leaning easily against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He had his friends on either side of him, backing him up.

"Hello, Snivellus." Snape shook his head and went back to searching. "Ooh, suddenly we're too important to talk now, hmm?"

Sirius pulled out his wand and closed the cabinet doors with a swift flick. Snape whirled on him, angry now, impatient.

"I have work to do. I don't have time for your childish games, Black."

"Always think you're better than everyone, don't you, S-Snivellus?" Sirius slurred, coming to stand in front of his nemesis.

Snape pushed him away, but Sirius pushed back, knocking the professor onto the floor.

He didn't understand what he was doing. He could smell his mother's perfume and hear James' laughter, and he couldn't see the man in front of him for the boy he used to be.

"Should've gotten rid of you ages ago," he muttered, pointing the wand at the man's chest.

Snape's eyes widened in fear. "Black, no."

"Avada Kedavra."

It was done. It was over.

He didn't realize what had happened until the following morning, when Molly's screams woke him. Even then, he didn't fully understand. He was too far gone, and he couldn't stop seeing James' face, and that was all that mattered.

**Author's Note: **Clue suggestion #1!

Suspect: Sirius Black

Weapon: Avada Kedavra

Location: Grimmauld Place


End file.
